Ano ba Ibig- Sabihin ng Pagiging ‘Emotionally Responsive’?
Isa sa madalas nating makalimutan bilang magulang ay maging emotionally responsive sa ating bagets. It is one of the most crucial brain- based strategies according to psychotherapist/ author Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. in handling our children’s emotions. Sa simpleng salita, mahirap gamitan ng puso ang pagdidisiplina.
When we are emotionally responsive, we address the emotions first and the behavior later. Suriin muna natin ano ang totoong nararamdaman ng anak natin kaya sila nagkakaganun pag nagtatantrums sila. Trust that in those moments, the emotion is so real and too big to handle by our child, kaya hirap silang ihandle ang emosyon nila. Sa ganitong pagkakataon, “Kalma lang po muna tayo.”
Validate and reflect back the emotions
In my previous blog in handling tantrums of children over 2 years old, we mentioned not to mind the banging of the door, or the rolling of the eyes, the screaming, or the shouting (not unless, of course, if ikakapahamak na ng anak mo o ng ibang tao yung ginagawa niya.)
Save your threats of ‘You better stop this, or you’re going to bed early!’ Again, kalma lang muna te.
Calm down. And I mean it. Kapag kalmado tayong humarap sa anak natin habang nagtatantrums, hindi natin binabantaan na or tinititigan nang masama, naiiwasan nating iparamdam sa kanila na it’s bad to express their emotions.
Wait for the calm
When we acknowledge the emotions, our children become calm. Hindi gaya ng pag sinalubong mo ng galit yung tantrums nila ay mas madali kayong mag-away ng anak mo at lumalala ang sitwasyon, tama? When we wait for the calm, pwede na nating ipaliwanag sa bata kung ano yung ayaw natin sa ginawa nilang pag-tatantrums para lang iparating yung nararamdaman nila.
Dr. Tina (author of No Drama Discipline) and all psychologists note that many behavior problems, gaya ng mga masasamang asal, ay madalas resulta ng mga emotion na masyadong malaki para mahandle ng bata in a mature way. Our young children are still in that learning stage of managing the emotions, at dapat andun tayo para unawain at iguide sila para matutunan nila yung tamang paraan ng pagpapakita ng emosyon nila. Pak, Ganern!
Building a safe, caring environment leads to positive brain development
In the long term, this beautiful exchange of responding calmly and addressing the emotions immediately builds the brain, making the reactive parts slow down. Nakakatulong ito para hindi masanay yung utak nila magreact agad-agad kapag may nangyayari na hindi nila maunawaan or makontrol, na makakatulong rin kapag sila ay lumaki na, para hindi maging reactive na tao. So imagine, diba ito yung gusto nating environment sa bahay? Habang nasasanay yung utak ng ating mga anak sa ganitong pagunawa sa sitwasyon, mas madali syang maka adapt sa iba’t ibang issues or aspects ng buhay. We start to build positive, lasting attachment with out child. This is the safe, sensitive and predictable environment we would like to build at home, where everything is consistent and mas nararamdaman ng mga anak natin yung pagmamahal; kaya kapag ang mga anak natin ay nakaka-experience ng frustration and then goes into a tantrum, we always, always respond calmly.